I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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