she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
