Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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