sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
