I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
