i just had sex bonerless
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
