so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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