best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
