Non-Jews are for practice
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
