hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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