He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
