Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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