If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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