First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
