WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
