did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
