she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
