good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Two words: blizzard sex
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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