Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
