Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
