i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
