ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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