1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
