oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
