could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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