Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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