i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
