We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
