Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
