when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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