There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
