if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
