He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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