That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
