There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Let's paint friendship bongs
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
