my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
