Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
