i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
