and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
