He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
