Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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