I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
