he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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