OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
