You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
