you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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