singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Randomize
