the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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