I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
