just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
