Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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