She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
