i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
