We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
