This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
